10 signs you were born and raised in Nicaragua.

1. When you need to get a taxi at the airport, you buy someone a drink before the plane lands.

By ordering the best rum in the world “Flor de Caña” and inviting the person next to you to cheers you can make your friendships on the flight to Managua, chances are someone on the plane knows a relative who is a taxi driver.

2. You’ve never used streets names or numbers.

Getting an exact address is quite a feat in Nicaragua. The random paisano you’ll encounter on the street will give you directions in the following fashion: “del arbolito media cuadra abajo, dos cuadras al lago, donde la senora que vende vigoron en la casa con la varanda verde.” From that tree, you go down half a block down, 2 blocks up heading towards the lake where you’ll find the lady who sells home made food in the house with the green fence”.

3. Your everyday speech is full of idioms, sarcasm, and exaggerations.

It’ll be easier just to ask “can you please move so i can see the tv?” but you prefer to yell “si la camiseta que llevas fuera transparente se la pondria a mi novia diario!” (If the shirt you’re wearing was transparent, I’d make my girlfriend wear it every day you know?) If you think someone is been a smart ass, you say “Careful, you’re gonna get hit by an ice-cream truck” or “La EBBI its going to come knock on you door.”

4. Your diet consist of Vigoron con chancho, Nacatamales y fresco de cacao.

A traditional dish consisting of cabbage salad known as “curtido” (chopped cabbage, tomatoes, onion and chilly ppepers marinated in vinager and salt). boiled Yuca and Chicharrones (fried pork) wrapped in a babana leaf. The Nacatamal its bigger in size than a tamal. It has slices of baked patatoes, rice, bell peppers, plantain, tomatoes and pork or beef all wraped in banana leaf preassure-cooked for several hours. its like a tamal on steroids. All going down with a very cold Toña or fresco de cacao a drink made from cocoa beans.

5. Everyday driving is an off-road rally.

You’ve had the best training on the streets and highways of Nicaragua, full of potholes and unexpected cliffs. You’ve developed a survival instinct that makes you perfectly capable of driving under high-risk conditions.

6. Your survival skills are always tested at the mercado doing your groceries.

Making a trip to ”El Mercado Oriental” the main outdoor market your bargaining skills get tested on a regular basis,. if you’re a gringo extranjero you’ll have no chance of getting a good price on a bag of frijoles,. however if you yell louder than the shopper next to you to get what you want you’ll earn the respect of the seller and perhaps a good deal. ”El que tiene mas galillo, traga mas pinol”

7. Forget the map, el chavalo de la calle is your best guide.

You happen to be en el malecon looking for a good time,. In Managua you’ll always find ”un chavalo” a youngster willing to help you find whatever you’re looking for. Its probably the safest way to go because at the info booth they probably will charge you triple.

8. La Toña y la Flor de Caña son las mejores bebidas alcoholicas.

You have lots of other options but you will always star with ordering a ”Toña” a local beer brand gradually shifting to ”Flor de Caña” the best rum. Once you have a few in you’ll feel safe to order something imported.

9. You know the standards songs for ”La griteria”

In December you celebrate ”La Griteria” the national day of the virgen Mary by going house to house singing griteria songs to get your ”limon dulce o tu gofio” sweet lemon or a baked pastry made of sugar, cocoa and corn. Also because your girlfriend made you go with her.

10. You know baseball like you know your mother-in-law.

Everyone knows baseball in Nicaragua whether it’ll be Nacional or Major league, and after a drunken party at the stadium with your camaradas (friends) watching el clasico de “El boer vs. El Cinco Estrella” you’d know how your mother-in-law will welcome you home after missing her daughter’s birthday.

Do you have other signs that you were born and raised a Nicaraguan? send them to us and we’ll continue adding lots of fun stuff. Don’t forget to use your sense of humor!.

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2 Responses to “10 signs you were born and raised in Nicaragua.”

  1. Nica June 29, 2016 at 4:25 am #

    Noooo This is full of Stereotypes !
    You probably spent sometime in Managua ? But you didn’t get the whole picture .

    • German July 12, 2016 at 1:55 am #

      Well Nica, we’d love it if you send us some pointers.. care to add some non-stereotypes our way?

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